Why.

I thought I had it. I thought that this time it wouldn't go away. But the next second, it was gone. All gone.

Why is it that whenever I feel a little hopeful, everything just has to turn out so bad? Why. Am I not entitled to even a tiny glimpse of hope? Don't I deserve anything at all?

Every time I fall, I cry, stand up, brush those tears away and tell myself, "It doesn't matter". But does it really not matter at all? Is this really what I feel, or is it just how I want myself to feel? I'm losing faith. I'm losing hope. Cos I just keep on falling. Each failure is eating my confidence away secretly, taunting me to give up. Each time I fall, I just get weaker.

Why isn't anything going my way? I'm tired. I don't know how long more I can take this. I don't know how many more "It doesn't matter"s I can tell myself before I can't hear myself anymore.

It hurts. And crying doesn't take the pain away anymore.

What can I do, in exchange for a just a tiny glimpse of hope that comes true? What should I do?