A Day without Rain

Good food and good music

2011-07-11T17:44:00.008+08:00

I am truly impressed by my nua-ing capabilities and stamina. It has been 3 weeks of nua-ing and I'm still going strong and enjoying every part of it =x

Today started off quite well with a piece of good news from my mum this morning! Someone's finally decided to get married! Wa wait until we become giraffes liao. So happy for you la!! ^^

Anyway, I was suddenly *inspired* this afternoon. So armed with a pair of pliers, a brand new rubber band from my JB trip and the box of cute buttons I bought a gazillion years ago, I made this:

Took me only a minute or so but I'm quite pleased with the result. I love art and craft and I always cannot wait for the holidays to arrive so that I can embark on my exciting craft projects. But sometimes, after spending a bomb on all the materials, when my holiday finally arrives, I realize I have no time or no more inspiration -.- Somehow my inspirations only come during my exams -.- So mini projects like this are always good! =D

Anyway, I suddenly recalled that Greeny told me about the food blog she had done up!

Eat Drink and Be Merry

Well, apparently somebody has been too busy to update but while we patiently wait for new entries, we can occupy ourselves with the existing posts! I can really tell that she put in a lot of effort in this food blog - from the customized blog template to each and every well-written and informative entry. The pictures are making me hungry, especially when I'm having so many cravings now (time of the month, tsk!). But yay, Beary's gonna bring me to satisfy some of my cravings tomorrow! Hehe.

One last thing before I end this post:

Please support King Kong Jane's debut album - Waiting for Friday! Support local music! =D

Mini 'holiday'!

2011-07-10T00:11:00.004+08:00

My sleeping cycle has been jeopardized ever since the day I took an afternoon nap. Now, I can't seem to fall asleep before midnight regardless of what time I woke up -.- maybe it's because I have too much on my mind. I keep thinking and thinking and thinking, and then get very stressed up. Sigh.

So today (yesterday, actually, looking at the time now) I was up early! Why? Because I was going to JB with Mr Bear! It was like a mini holiday. We didn't have the reserves for a real holiday so we made do with this. Haha, I love cheap thrills! And I'm really thankful for this chance to put those unhappy thoughts aside and enjoy the day.

To sum up the day, we got stuck at the traffic jam and customs ( as expected on a weekend), ate McDonald's for both breakfast and lunch (the price is almost the same as in SG just that it's in Ringgit, but this is not the reason why. Neither is it because we are addicted to Macs. It's just because we didn't know what to eat -.-), shopped (actually it was only me), caught a movie (so so so much cheaper than in sg! And Transformer was really cool!) and had a simple dinner at Woodlands. And oh, had a little squabble on the way home but we're good again. All in all, a really great day and I haven't enjoyed myself in a long while! Thanks to boyfriend for escorting me to and fro =p

Okay, just a short entry to remember this happy day with bear in my last proper holiday in a long while! Bedtime!

Secrets

2011-07-07T01:04:00.009+08:00

"Secrets" by One Republic

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess

'Til all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
I'm sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

My God
Amazing that we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars

And everyday I see the news, all the problems that we could solve
And when a situation rises, just write it into an album
Seen it straight to go
I don't really like my flow, no, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
I'm sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'mma tell you everything

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
I'm sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

All my secrets away
All my secrets away

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I'm here to clear some cobwebs! =x

I really can't recall when was the last time I've done a proper blog post. So much has happened over the past few months.

My 6-month long industrial attachment ended slightly more than 2 weeks ago. I met really amazing people at the plant and they are the reason why I managed to overcome my internal struggles. I really felt blessed to have ended up there. And it's such an awesome experience and opportunity for me to learn as I work. The things I learnt there are fresh knowledge which I have never ever encountered during my 3 years of university studies. They may be unrelated to what I studied, which was the reason why I was rather worried, but I have gained some new skills and it's actually quite an interesting field which I don't mind exploring in the future! =) We'll see how everything goes.

I had the opportunity to work near nature and civilization at the same time. I was stationed right beside Downtown East which is near to Pasir Ris Park. For one of my projects, I had to walk to the park everyday. Haha. I hope I got fitter instead of skinnier (side note: I'm so depressed that I can't find a pair of skinny jeans which actually look skinny on me -.-). By the way, the plant is right beside a longkang and there's this one or two residence herons that like to perch on the rubber weir. So cute! They also spotted otters peeking out of the canal a few weeks ago (who I didn't get to see boohoo). But at times there are also weird things that were found floating down the canal eg. carcasses of a gigantic monitor lizard and chicken/duck (we couldn't make it out) which gave off an unpleasant stench. What an experience!

Right now, I'm missing the nice people at the plant. Although it's just a small plant and I had less than 10 colleagues, the environment there is so homely. It's amazing how I can hit off with people who are a few decades older than me so well. Sometimes, I feel that they are so much younger at heart than me. They shared with me so much and helped me selflessly along the way. Even though I was just an insignificant intern, they seek my advice on some operational issues (which, to be honest, makes me quite stressed and freaked out, haha). It's really a two-way learning process. And they always drive me out for lunch and bring me to eat all the nice food. The assistant plant manager really touched me with his passion and dedication to the plant and organization. I just pray that things won't get too stressful over there and that there will be a new intern there soon to entertain them =p

I'm really glad and fortunate to have ended up at VSP and met all these angels =) And there, another chapter of my academic life has been concluded. In one's life, people come and people leave. I was really sad to leave (my tearful scenes and "last words" were captured on the CCTV and replayed by the AM -.-) and I will never forget the empty feeling in my heart when I signed out and walked up the slope to the exit on my last day. I really hope that we keep in touch!

So after my internship ended, I was furiously trying to catch up with family time, friends time and me time. Okay, actually on some days I just find myself lazing on the couch although I have a long to-do list to clear. I got to get started before time runs out!! This holiday is precious! There are still so many friends I have yet to meet =(

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Something major happened in my life end of last year. Something very bad and sad. Something which only friends who bothered knows about. Up till today, the images of the events before, during and directly after still haunts me. Up till today, I still can feel the wrench in my heart and choke back on my tears at the thought of these. They can never be erased. Never ever. I thought I was going to die. I didn't know how I survived juggling final exams and housework. I didn't know how to be happy on my 21st birthday, because I can only be happy if she is happy. Does she know that?

But the one who went through the most pain is perhaps not us. It's her. The one whom we have hurt. I begged and prayed for a second chance. I hope this really IS the second chance. I really need this chance to make things right again.

Who could I blame? No one except myself. For a good few months after the event, I couldn't stop blaming myself. I become very paranoid and I think I suffered from mild depression. Nothing could make me feel happy. I didn't feel like speaking to anyone. I didn't want to open up to anyone because I felt that no one would understand and they will start blaming me too. I cooped myself up at home almost all the time. I'm sorry to the people whom I have offended and whose SMSes I have ignored during that period of time. I didn't know how to reply and there were times when I just deleted unopened messages. I don't know why I do that. Maybe I thought ignorance would make me feel less guilty. I am such a bad friend, but I was too afraid to regain contact with them because I really didn't want to update them with my life. And I didn't need to know how carefree their lives are to make myself feel worse. They wouldn't understand. And recalling everything is just too painful and I wouldn't be able to take it. I really couldn't do it at all. I could only run away. I could only keep everything to myself and wet my pillow every night. At that time, my world only revolved around her.

But I'm thankful for the few friends who empathized with me and tried to counsel me. Thank you for being understanding, patient and sensitive towards me. Please give me more time. Although I'm still not ready to step out of the Cheryl I was a few months back, you guys have really helped me a great bunch.

And of course, not to forget my loved ones who have gone through this together with me. Thank you for teaching me how to be strong and setting a good example. Thank you to the boyfriend who stayed with me throughout and entertaining my 4am calls. Thank you for the sacrifices made for me.

I'm slowly recovering and I'll be strong. I will survive and work even harder to amend my mistakes in the past. Everyday I pray that everything will be fine, that my loved ones will be safe and sound and happy together. This, to me, is more important than anything else in the world.

Tomorrow will be a better day. It will be.

Pet jellyfish

2011-03-06T00:12:00.002+08:00

Friday was so happening.

We found a baby jellyfish at the seaside. It looks really cute when it swims and bumps into the surrounding walls. Hee. It's tentacles look threatening though. Hopefully it doesn't eat up the fishes in the tank!

Friday was also the day I lost something very precious and important - my ring. Was super devastated when I found out that I dropped it during lunch time =( I can only blame myself for being so careless. I feel so guilty!! But thankfully bear didn't blame me and we're gonna get a new pair of rings soon =) heehee.

There goes another weekend and in less than a day we welcome another hectic week of stress. Hopefully everything goes smoothly. This journey hasn't exactly been smooth-sailing and I am still trying to overcome my internal struggles. But I must stay strong! For I know that everything that happens, happens for a reason. I can do this!

Catch me if I fall

2010-11-15T15:30:00.002+08:00

Too many things have happened over the past few weeks. And it has left me distraught, confused and drained. This must have been the worst I have experienced so far. I wished so badly that it was all but a bad dream. But it wasn't.

What I need now is someone to catch me when I fall. Someone who will wait for me to catch up, or at least pull me along. Someone who will not leave me here alone. I'm so tired. But no one is willing to make a detour and walk with me, to guide me along.

But it would be selfish of me to ask for someone like this. And perhaps this person doesn't even exist.

2010-10-26T21:54:00.004+08:00

Halfway

2010-10-06T01:11:00.007+08:00

I'm lying on bed and blogging from my phone now cos I can't get to sleep! Boohoo.

So. We are slightlly more than halfway into the semester. This semester is a lonely semester because the girls are overseas =( And it's definitely more stressful too.

But whenever I think about how this semester will probably be the last semester I can experience a real student's life, and of cos spending time in school and studying with bear, I start to treasure the time more. I don't want to start working =(

Okay, I should really try to sleep. There's lab tomorrow and I don't want to screw up my viva again *prays hard*. Goodnight world =)

It's Saturday!

2010-06-12T10:24:00.004+08:00

I realise I haven't been here in a while.

Finally, a day where I can abandon my alarm clock and sleep to my heart's content. The last few days have been tiring but fun at the same time. I have been meeting up with my beloved friends every single day (except Thursday, cos my stamina is really lousy) after work. Monday was birthday celebration for YY at Pizzahut, Tuesday was Ikea with the bear, Wednesday was family dinner to celebrate grandma's birthday, Friday was Thai Express with Bumblebee. Woo. So happening. And I'm leaving house after my brunch to meet Greeny for retail therapy! Sunday will be family day with grandma! Whee! The bear has abandoned me for four days to go to Malacca =( So poor me have to find activities to entertain myself lor.

Work is rather stressful cos I keep making mistakes and they are quite disastrous mistakes, like yesterday's!! =x But the people are nice, that's the thing that is keeping me alive there. I have to be more careful!! Hopefully I can survive the term. *pray hard*

I have been sleeping really early these days. I sleep before 12am and wake up at 7am - a sleeping lifestyle gone a long time ago since my primary school days. Haha. This morning, I woke up at 7plus -__- But I thought I shouldn't waste this precious chance to catch up on my sleep, so I lazed in bed. Hehe. Sleeping is my hobby.

Okay, my brunch is turning cold. Take care everyone!

Lazing days are coming to an end =(

2010-05-20T22:50:00.005+08:00

Am I cute??

Can't see clearly? Na.. close-up shot for you!

Love it when he smiles. It really melts your heart. When he smiles, he will look away and try to hide his cute little face. I think he likes to act shy.. x)

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I'm finally going Seoul Yummy with the girls tomorrow! Whee! Have been craving for the Bibimbap and Kimchi soup for the longest time. Hope the food doesn't disappoint tomorrow.

I hope my mood will be good tomorrow. Haha, not like it's not something I can't control.. My mood swings are terrible these days. To the people around me, especially my mummy, it has been hard on you these few days. I think if I don't keep my mood in check, a certain bear is gonna chuck me aside and go look for other cute and pretty girlsss =(

Okie, I'm gonna end this random entry very abruptly with a comic strip. It's TV time with mummy! I like watching the 11pm auntie show with her HAHA. Ooops.

Goodnight everybody!

Forbidden Love

2010-05-17T18:05:00.006+08:00

The reason why SENS' music is so captivating lies in their ability to string a few simple notes into a beautiful yet heart-wrenching melody.

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I should stop letting my brain slip into idle mode by doing constructive things. Because when the mind starts wandering, it starts recollecting the painful and saddest memories. Subsequently, it triggers the heart to fall into the bottomless well of the emo mode.

Today, I discovered the emails again. I thought I've deleted them. Because the last time when I tried to find them, they were nowhere in sight. I knew I wouldn't be so cold-hearted to have deleted them on the spur of the moment. I knew I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

---------

I visited Dou Dou with mummy this morning. This boy is gonna grow up to be a real terror next time. He seriously can't sit still for a second. And he likes my handphone so much that he refused to return it to me -_-

Today, I realise that my knowledge of nursery rhymes is beyond hopeless. I ran out of songs to sing to him to stop him from crying. I was so terrified because his cries just crescendo-ed T__T

But Dou Dou also smiled a lot today. I like smiley babies =) He likes to hear people call his name.

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I love Baby Blues comics. They never fail to crack me up.

Part of me

2010-05-13T19:48:00.007+08:00

I can't stand my mood swings. One moment, I can be chirpy and all but the next, I can be feeling downright horrible. What is wrong with me????

I'm still jobless, by the way. My life is sad.

Anyway, I finally met up with Sim this afternoon. We were like two penniless souls roaming Vivocity. When she saw something she liked, she would try it on and when it didn't fit good, both of us would heave a sigh of relief. Haha.

I can't wait to visit Seoul Yummy with the girls!

Yesterday was picnic day with the uni girls. Fortunately, the weather was kind to us. Although we didn't have a decent picnic mat, although we didn't get to fly any kite, although the only food we had were Macs and doughnuts, although we lost our way, it was a great outing! We should do it more often before everyone leaves for their exchange.

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SOV 2010. The vocals were rather disappointing but I guess they were all tired from the Venice competition just a week or so ago. And they really did put in effort to entertain the audience with their choreography.

I'm thankful for the company this SOV. I had Dua Bao and Ming Ming, my wonderful friends to accompany me for supper. I'm glad that we could still talk about anything and everything under the sun, just like in the past. They were the ones who made that two years worthed remembering. And not forgetting my juniors, Eliz and Sophia, who are ever so sweet. I hope that we will attend the many many more SOVs to come together.

The reason why I insist on attending SOV every year is because I don't want to lose touch with what used to matter to me so much. The reason why I don't wish to join another choir is because I don't want the memories with VJChoir to be replaced or erased. I'm not sure if I make sense. I know it's stubborn but there are some things which I will never want to let go of. Losing it means losing a large part of me.

When you stop talking about some things or people, it doesn't mean that you've forgotten about them. Sometimes, it's just that you have tucked them in a secret corner of your heart, where they will be kept safe, where they will never ever be lost.

Excursion!

2010-05-11T15:24:00.004+08:00

Hate the weather these days. It's either too warm or it starts raining when I'm about to leave house, like now!! And I'm currently cuddling Mr Fluff cos he's afraid of thunder. Poor dog is limping again.

I was thankful that it wasn't raining dinosaurs yesterday, cos we went to the zoo! One thing I miss about being a kid is having excursion trips. Sigh. Those were the days.

Anyway, I got to see my polar bear! It's really huge. It's cute and friendly too as long as you don't jump in and try to swim with it. Did you know that a polar bear's skin is black and its fur is clear?? I didn't know. I'm such a mountain tortise.

Didn't get to see the crocodiles cos I was too scared. Okay, very loserish, I know. Blame it on documentaries. Crocodiles are so evil and sneaky lor.

The scary zookeeper-eater

Smelly elephant

Hippo!

The star of the show - the clever sea lion. Love it!

The emo pony with cool hair

It was nomming, thus the half-opened mouth. So cute!!

This is the height of my ideal bf

This is the weirdest position I have ever seen.

Saw many other animals plus some low profile ones (i.e. those which I can't name). It was a happy but tired day with the bear =)

Alright, time for me to prepare to head out. Hope SOV 2010 will be good!

Awww so cute!

2010-05-09T18:44:00.003+08:00

FYI, Mr Fluff resembles the doggie of the left after he comes out from the shower.

So. Summer holidays are here but there's nothing to rejoice about. I'm feeling depressed everyday because I'm perpetually broke.

I. Need. A. Job. =(

Today's not a good day cos..

2010-04-19T19:15:00.005+08:00

1) Mr Fluff is limping again.
2) My earphones are dying. No music = can't study.
3) You still don't get it *vomit blood x 10^23*
4) I don't feel okay. Not at all.
5) I'm not making any progress in my studies.
6) Exams is in exactly one week's time, to add on to point 5.

Things that can cheer me up:
1) Exams to be cancelled (in my dreams)
2) An instant knowledge gain pill (not too possible either)
3) Happy meal (hur hur)
4) Can I request for a new pair of earphones??
5) Mr Fluff to recover.
6) You to appear right before my eyes

Okay whatever. It's zzz time. Goodnight, world.

Upset. Very.

2010-04-18T00:58:00.006+08:00

I'm still alive. But perhaps not for long. For I'm drowning in the neverending pile of work. Often, I can't help but feel demoralized. It's not that I don't even try. It's just that I keep trying but I am constantly failing.

And home is just not a conducive place to study...

My sister is back from her working trip. That's the only happy thing which happened these few days. But I'm grateful for that. Thankfully, her flight is not delayed by the Icelandic volcanic eruption. My sister has been spoiling me rotten by buying presents for me every week =x I feel really bad to have her splurge on me. But I think it's her way of rooting for me and cheer me up during this tough period, and I really appreciate her thoughts.

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I guess it's the time of the month again. It's when you get very upset over the slightest things, when you get emotional over almost nothing and when you can't help being unreasonable. But it is also the time when you wish to have a little more attention and understanding from the people around you. That, I don't think I'm getting any.

Maybe if I die suddenly today, no one will find out until weeks later.

I thought I matter to you but it's just my wishful thinking. Sometimes I think too highly of myself.

I have so much more to say but I don't think I should go on. How I wish I can hide somewhere where no one can find me.

Tuesday Greys

2010-03-30T22:36:00.003+08:00

Had a really bad day at school. To the extent that I nearly broke down.

Why do people only see the things that you didn't do but not those that you have done?

When I keep quiet, it doesn't mean I have nothing to say.
When I smile and laugh, it doesn't mean that I am happy.

Stop pushing me. Stop testing my patience. Stop taking me for granted. I'm already standing at the edge.

My mind is filled with too many things. My heart feels so heavy. I'm feeling unmotivated. I feel so tired that I wish I could just sleep the day away.

They don't understand me. You don't understand me. No one understands.

I wish for a rainbow

2010-03-19T00:45:00.004+08:00

Pardon the emo-nemo entries nowadays. School is killing me slowly but surely and it doesn't help that I'm PMSing.

I'm in dire need of some cheering up =(

Would you believe me?

2010-03-15T22:06:00.009+08:00

不管我说什么，你都不会相信我的。

早知道会受伤，为什么还要回头？

冷漠的夜里，只有眼泪是热的。
在这混乱虚假中，只有痛是真实的。

我真的好累。。。

I thought that you will be the one standing there when the whole world turns its back on me.
I thought that you will be the one who would believe me when no one else does.
Seems like I'm wrong. So wrong.

No more tears after tonight. I promise.

It's okay

2010-03-09T18:53:00.003+08:00

You know, lately, I've been thinking quite a bit.

A year ago, if you hadn't hesitated, perhaps it would have happened.

You gave me time to change my mind. The time to let the past get to me again. By then, it was too late. It would be unfair to you, I thought.

For a few months, the words in the card ran through my mind countless times. I tried so hard to convince myself. I almost wanted to believe them. I almost wanted to believe you. Trust me. I'm not as heartless as you thought I am. New year week, I was almost certain. I made a little something for you. To let you know that you actually matter.

But the gift will never reach its rightful owner. Because today, things have changed. You have changed. You hurt me, the way I had hurt you. It was then when I realise, those words no longer hold the same meaning. It's just another empty promise.

But it's okay. I'm used to all these. It has happened countless times anyway.

I'll be okay. Really.

If you could see me now

2010-03-03T00:37:00.010+08:00

Anywhere
Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me
And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you
And at sweet night, you are my own
Take my hand

We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be halfway to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name

I have dreamt of a place for you and I
No one know who we are there
All I want is to give my life only to you
I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore
Let's run away, I'll take you there

Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you

Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you now
Will you leave with me?
---------

This is where I want to be now.
With you.
Away from this cacophony.
Away from all these sadness and fears.
Away from the loneliness and emptiness.
Away from these pain and misery.
Nothing else matters, as long as you're with me.
Because it's all coming back to haunt me now.
I'm drained. I'm tired.
Tired of lying to myself.
Tired of pretending that I have forgotten about the pain.
Tired of living in this place filled with shattered dreams.
Tired of holding onto those memories abandoned by people who never cared.
Just because I'm scared of losing the things I have and do not have.

Why are things made to be broken?
Please don't go.
Please just take me away.

Family Love

2010-02-18T00:50:00.009+08:00

No CNY mood. Maybe it's because we didn't have any family outing this year. Maybe it's because exams are coming. Maybe it's because I didn't go clothes-shopping. Or maybe it's because there wasn't any gambling. Hmm.

I want to cry because I have so much to do but so little time. There are so many people I want to meet but I have no time to/our schedules clash. Sadded. I think they will forget me if we don't meet up anytime soon.

My parents invited my relatives over on Tuesday. It's been a long time since we had a hustle bustle in our house. Usually, Mr Fluff would be the centre of attention. But this year, he has a rival - Dou Dou - the new baby in da house! Mr Fluff was prancing around with his toy in hope of attracting some attraction but everyone was too busy fussing over the baby. He must have been very sad.

I think the baby was the dirtiest person in the house at the end of the day. Because everyone who walked past couldn't resist pinching his chubby cheeks/shaking his tiny hand/stroking his little feet. He's really cute except that he was looking grumpy most of the time. Dou Dou, please don't copy me.

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My bro bought a phone for me on Tuesday. I have a new phone! But not anymore, because I gave it to Ah Doo, with the permission of bro of course. It's the phone that she has been lemming for for quite long. Now, I have no new phone, but I'm happy because she seems happy. So the love gets passed down from my bro to me and then to my sister. Hehe.

And I'm relieved that my mum has finally understood something that we wanted her to understand for the longest time.

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I'm grateful for this opportunity for the family to gather. Although there's no CNY mood, there is this warm and fuzzy feeling of home. It's a feeling no amount of angbaos can replace.

Because

2010-02-16T10:29:00.004+08:00

Because I know it won't make any difference whether or not I'm there.

Because I know things are not the same anymore.

Because I know it's going to hurt.

That's why I've chosen to escape.

Why must you do this, just when I'm starting to trust you?

If your intention was to make me feel sad, congratulations, you have succeeded.

Every February

2010-02-06T23:11:00.004+08:00

On My Own - Lea Salonga
And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to.
Without a home, without a friend
without a face to say hello to
But now the night is near
And I can make-believe he's here

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him 'til morning
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me

In the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm lonely
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness that I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him...
But only on my own...

From Les Miserables, the musical which I have to catch live before I die. One of my greatest wish is to travel the world to watch musicals.

As usual, Lea Salonga never fails to amaze.

And somehow, this songs never fails to spell out my thoughts so perfectly.

---------

A few days ago, mama wanted to bring Mr Fluff out for his walk. But this monkey was being naughty by trying to escape from being leashed up. In her exasperation, mama decided not to not bring him out anymore and so, Mr Fluff was looking grumpy the whole day. And when I say "looking grumpy", I ain't kidding.

Ti orh orh (direct translation: sky black black)

PMS-ing

Bet you didn't know dogs can look grumpy huh!

Being the very doting and loving aunt (Fluffy is sist's child, so that makes me his aunt, no?), I tried to cheer him up by taking pictures with him.

But someone just totally dismissed my efforts. Sob sob.

The following is more evidence of my unconditional love towards my dog:

Fluffy says *woof*yummy*woof*!

This tiny box of pastries cost me my whole afternoon. Being the usual road idiot, I found the shop only after close to an hour of wandering around Vivocity.

I went home and offered my mum the pastries and she almost took one to eat. Oops. I also almost got slaughtered for betraying her until I shoved this in her face:

The best tutu kueh ever!

Hehe. This is her favourite tutu kueh. How can I forget mummy when I have doggy?

---------

Cheryl the great cook was feeling housewifey the other day so she decided to whipped up a dish.

Haha. Okay I have to admit this doesn't look appetizing at all. And guess what?? It tasted as ~~bad~~good as it looks!

And yes, it's egg again. Well, that's because eggs are nice and relatively easy to cook.

If I ever get married next time, I can foresee a typical day's menu to be as follows:
Breakfast: Sunny side ups served with complimentary orange juice
Lunch: Egg fried with ham fried beansprouts as side dish
Dinner: Egg mayonnaise sandwich
Supper: Cook yourself.

So this adds on to my list of criteria for the perfect husband: Loves eggs to death and has an extremely low cholesterol level

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This is random but I need to show everyone my cute post-its!

Hehe okie, bedtime!

Hello Tummy

2010-01-31T00:16:00.008+08:00

This week is the satisfying-cravings-week.

First up, on Wednesday, I brought mama to Ichiban Sushi. I had a rare craving for their sashimi. It's rare because
1)I hate fish
2)I'm scared of eating raw stuff

But. Ichiban's sashimi is so fresh and doesn't have the fishy taste!! Yay! Credits to Greeny for the great recommendation.

We had udon and some cheesy chicken cutlet thing which were delicious as well. Ichiban never fails to disappoint.

Then, on Thursday, daddy brought us out for lunch and we had Jalan Kayu prata. It's my favourite prata place. This time, I abandoned my cheese prata and had egg prata for a change. Still yummy. We always order the chicken curry instead of having the curry which comes with the prata. It's much nicer! And of course, not forgetting the teh tarik which I can't have too much of lest I suffer insomnia =(

Had Macs on Friday. Well, I didn't exactly have a craving for it, but I have long wanted to try the McSpicy again because I have forgotten how it tasted like. Okay, what a lame reason. The last time I had it was in secondary school when it was first launched? At that time, I found it too spicy. Now, I still find it very spicy -_- I was tearing as I struggled to finish my burger. I can hereby conclude that my threshold for spiciness has not improved over the years.

I'm starting to like herbal jelly too. Just had it yesterday. It's supposed to be healthy so that's even better! Of course, I always drown mine in sugar syrup because I can't stand anything bitter. It cured my sore throat the last time I had it. Amazing.

---------

Besides that, January has been a month exploring the different cuisines and tasting loads of yummy food.

Sim held her birthday dinner at Amara's Santaro. It's a Japanese fine dining restaurant. Their dishes are unique and flavourful. They had this century egg tofu thingy which looked dubious but was absolutely delicious. They also added salmon roe to many of their dishes which had a 画龙点睛 effect. I love their sesame and green tea flavoured ice-creams too! We were all given a small cup of Sake but the taste of alcohol was overpowering. I felt slightly drowsy after a tiny sip =x

Ziyan's birthday followed and we decided on Seoul Yummy, which is located at Square 2. It was really so yummy! It was my first time dining at a Korean restaurant ( very suaku, I know) and now, I'm hooked. The Kimchi soup is to die for. At first, I was rather skeptical about the red coloured spicy-looking soup. But once I tasted it, I was addicted. The spiciness was tolerable when I ate it with rice. We had the bibimbap which didn't look appetizing but tasted heavenly. The beef was marinated so well.

A plus point for this restaurant is that the service was really good. The waiters/waitresses were very patient and attentive. They topped up our side dishes without us requesting for it. They even dimmed the lights in our area when we lit up the candles for the cake. After which, they also presented the birthday girl with a complimentary dessert.

Only bad thing which happened was the waitress accidentally gave the surprise away when she asked when we wanted to serve the cake. Haha.

Then, on last Friday, I met Ziyan for dinner at Little India. The only time I have been there was during our excursion in primary school. Thus, I haven't explored the place proper. After taking ages to decide on which restaurant to dine at, we settled for Gayatri. Overall, their service is not bad. But we had some sort of communication breakdown with the waiter when we couldn't understand his description of the food. It was quite funny because he gave the same descriptions for all the food we asked about.

---------

Week 3 of school and I'm still not motivated. And I still don't know how to do my homework. I know I'm going to have a very hard time this semester. I just know it.

And. My group member is making my blood boil. I want to box you >=\

---------

This is for you.

Itsumo Nando Demo//Always with me

A song from the movie, Spirited Away. I fell in love with it the first time I heard it so I was happy to have chanced upon this video. This is sung by Victoria School's choir. They are an amazing bunch of boys. I remember how I was awed by their performance at SYF 2003. They were the choir after us. I felt that we were doomed after hearing them because we really paled in comparison.

I really like the arrangement for the song. Mr Kwei never fails to choose the most suitable songs for his choirs. They have delivered the child-like innocence and purity of this song very well. I heard that they did some songs from Les Choristes too, but I can't seem to find them =(

Let me be the one to love you more

2010-01-17T23:12:00.007+08:00

To Love You More - Celine Dion
Take me back in the arms I love
Need me like you did before
Touch me once again
And remember when
There was no one that you wanted more

Don't go you know you will break my heart
She won't love you like I will
I'm the one who'll stay
When she walks away
And you know I'll be standing here still

I'll be waiting for you
Here inside my heart
I'm the one who wants to love you more
You will see I can give you
Everything you need
Let me be the one to love you more

See me as if you never knew
Hold me so you can't let go
Just believe in me
I will make you see
All the things that your heart needs to know

I'll be waiting for you
Here inside my heart
I'm the one who wants to love you more
You will see I can give you
Everything you need
Let me be the one to love you more

And some way all the love that we had can be saved
Whatever it takes we'll find a way

I'll be waiting for you
Here inside my heart
I'm the one who wants to love you more
You will see I can give you
Everything you need
Let me be the one to love you more

Another breathtaking performance by Celine Dion. This is not the full song and the original violinist is Taro Hakase, but I chose this video over many others because of the amazing stage effects. Coupled with her powerful and dynamical voice, this performance is flawless. I would love to watch her live.

---------

So, we've stepped into yet another new semester. Have I mentioned that I have a bad feeling about this semester? I hope it's just my being paranoid.

My sleeping cycle is still in a mess. I still don't have the momentum to start studying again. I feel so horrible because I can't do my tutorials and assignments. I'm such a lousy student.

---------

And just a few days ago, I received my loan statement from the bank. I'm currently in a debt of close to $7K.

They always say that money can't buy happiness. Is this still true in the world today?

I only know that if my family is more financially stable, we will be happier. I grew up watching my parents worry over how to settle every month's bills and daily expenses. I remember how I used to cry myself to sleep when I was young because I was so afraid that our family will be homeless the next day. This helpless and hopeless feeling still haunts me today.

It doesn't help that I'm not doing well in school. Because that would mean difficulties in finding a job when I graduate. I really want to give my parents a good life and repay them for all the sacrifices they've made for us, but can I do that?

Who will understand?

La Nuit

2010-01-07T00:32:00.020+08:00

Les Choristes (The Chorus)

Synopsis:
In 1949 Monsieau Clement, an assistant teacher, comes to a school for “difficult” boys. The School is run by a hard minded principal. The motto of the school being “Action – ReAction”. This method obviously isn’t working, as there are a lot of problems and problem children. Monsieau Clement tries to reach his boys and build trust and true order through music.

Truly Magnifique!

I was elated to finally get my hands on the VCD (with English subtitles - thank goodness for that). Now, I can watch it anytime I want instead of having to wait ages for it to stream online.

It's my favouritest movie. I'd re-watch it a million times! The angelic voices and meaningful plot will definitely tug at your heartstrings.

And of course, not forgetting my eye candy in the movie:

*Melts*

His name is Jean-Baptiste and he plays Morhange in the movie. His voice, it's just plain amazing. It's so pure and sweet - truly god sent. You've just got to hear it yourself.

Here are some of my favourite scenes and songs from the movie:

La Nuit - The Night. Watch out for his solo at about 1:42.

Cerf-volant - Kite.

Saving the best for the last, here's my favourite of the favourites! Too bad I couldn't find a video related to the movie.

Caresse sur l'ocean - Caress on the ocean.

What makes this movie even more meaningful for me is that it was first shown to us by a teacher who has inspired and taught me so much about life. The teacher in this movie, Monsieau Clement, reminds me of her. She's someone I'll never forget for life =)

Please go and watch it, everybody!

---------

Change. The only constant thing in the world. How true.

I'm shocked at how things can change within such a short period of time.

At the end of the day, I can only blame myself. But I can't help feeling angry, mad and heartbroken. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way.
You didn't wait long enough.
Through these years, I've learnt that most of these changes are irreversible.

Some people, once they leave, they'll never return. How many times have I let this happen?
How can you unbreak a broken heart?
Thank you YY for accompanying me tonight. Thank you Simsim for your encouraging SMSes. If not for these, those tears would have fallen. I'm just not strong enough.

Happy Birthday

2010-01-03T23:59:00.012+08:00

First scrapbook I've ever made for anyone. And that's because you're special. Very special =)

If you ever receive anything handmade from me, that means you matter a lot to me. So please treasure it, and please treasure me. Just because I want to have a special place in your heart too.

---------

Our dear girl turned 21 years old today.

When she was giving her birthday speech, she started crying. It wasn't long before I realised my vision was blurry. Unknowingly, tears had found their way to my eyes. I know this is very, very silly. But it felt as though I've watched my daughter grow up to become who she is today. I don't even know her for that long. But it actually feels that we've known each other for a long, long time.

Last night, I had this mad craving for Island Creamery Apple Pie flavoured ice-cream. I told no one else except my mum (I was acting like a childish and demanding kid, bugging her to bring me there).

Tonight, this birthday girl decided that her birthday cake is to be from Island Creamery.

Apple Pie flavoured ice-cream with gummy toppings

Now, do you believe in telepathy?

---------

Took so many pictures today. It's going to take 10 years for me to resize all of them so that will have to wait. 99% of the pictures are of food and more food anyway, so I don't think anyone will be interested.

Anyway, Happy Birthday to my Ah Doo (it's officially 4th Jan now)! Hope that you will study hard and make our parents proud!

If only I was half as fortunate as this girl. She has a loving family and wonderful friends.

What do I have?

Will my family ever surprise me with a scrapbook filled with millions of little fond memories? Do they love me half as much? I don't think so.
My friends. Do they love me for who I am? Will they see my flaws as perfections instead of picking on them? Will they be there with me on a special day like this and be happy and excited with me? Unlikely.

Why do I feel alone even at the most crowded and noisiest places? I feel so tired. Because I'm trying so hard to find somewhere where I can finally feel safe. Somewhere where I will never have to worry about being lost again.

I guess I'm still searching. Searching for that someone who will treasure me more than I treasure him. Does such a person even exist?

Don't like it.

2010-01-03T23:28:00.003+08:00

Don't like it when I'm being ignored.
If you find me a burden, just tell me. My EQ is not that low.

Don't like it when people promise me things but they never happen.
You are just telling me that I'm dispensable, forgotten when you have other friends and only thought of when you're feeling lonely or bored.

Don't like it.
Don't like it.
Don't like it.

Housewife in training

2009-12-30T23:59:00.005+08:00

Yummy! Just had a cup of this:

The aloe vera & nata de coco flavour is my all-time favourite!

Today, I think I did the most housework I have done in my entire life. Of course, my mum did a lot more because she's much more efficient. I think my arms are going to ache tomorrow. Mummy said it only happens to people who seldom do housework. That's quite a subtle hint hor.

And I'm so proud of myself! Because.. I cooked a cheese omelette yesterday!

Okay, you may be thinking "chey, egg only ma, even a 3-year-old can cook it". But you must know that this is Cheryl Lim, the Home Economics student whose pot burst into flames while cooking chicken stew. Therefore, this omelette is a major feat for me because
1) The kitchen didn't catch fire, much to my parents' relief
2) It's.. edible (so touched *sobz*)
3) It tastes pretty good!

Hiak hiak.

Okay enough of showing off my omelette. Got to turn in soon 'cos tomorrow going to be another day of housework. I'm not complaining (yet) because doing housework is a good form of exercise!

Oh, and Cheryl the Sim's BIG 21st is coming soon! I'm so excited! x)

Last but not least, I just want to say that 2009 has been quite a quiet year for me in the sense that nothing majorly bad/good happened. I think I prefer it this way because I have a weak heart. In 2010, I hope to be happy and wish for the same for the people dear to me =)

Happy 2010 in advance, everybody! =D

Picture spam!

2009-12-30T00:16:00.026+08:00

As promised ten thousand years ago, here are some pictures from the cuzzie's wedding. I was trying to be artistic but has obviously failed terribly. Photography is just not my forte.

A peek inside the ballroom

Like a fairy =)

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I was so bored during the first few weeks of the holidays that I revived my Tamagotchi. I even 'brought' my virtual pet to Tamagotchi Land. As you can see, I really had nothing better to do.

Pictures from this point onwards are taken with my CMI handphone camera. That explains the lousy resolution.

Welcome to Tamagotchi Land!

Meet my pet. I know it looks really gong but admit it, it's cute! ><

Here's my pet attending preschool -_-

Looks like he's having loads of fun in school. FYI, the pink cupcake-like thing is their teacher.

They even have an arcade.

I murdered my Tamagotchi a few days later 'cos it morphed into a ~~ugly~~scary creature.

---------

The day I brought my sister out.

The purpose of this picture is to reinforce the fact that my handphone camera 不是普通的 lousy

We got hungry after a while so we got a Taiyaki to share. Chocolate and banana flavour. Not bad!

This is the only type of fish I like. Heh.

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Reunion 2009 was quite a letdown 'cos the turnout was rather pathetic. We didn't even bother taking a batch photo. Sadded.

Mishmash of 07/08s

Here, I would like to direct your attention to the guy in grey.

Can you spot the same guy in this picture???

First correct entry gets a free gift.

(Btw, I'm just kidding.)

Anyway, I decided for the first time in 20 years to spend Christmas night with my friends. I was feeling a bit sad about not being able to spend the night with my family. Okay, it's not like we celebrate Christmas. It's just that I felt guilty to be having fun outside on this festive occasion while my parents were having a quiet and lonely dinner at home. Hmm =x

We ended up going to a junior's uncle's daughter's place for BBQ, when we didn't even know each other? It felt like we were crashing someone's party. It was rather awkward so we just sat another corner and ate/played Truth or Dare (have I ever told anyone how much I hate this game??).

Food was pretty good. And as usual, the sotong in me has to act up.

Me: Eh, is the chicken nice?
Junior: Um, this is duck meat

...

...A few minutes later..

Me: Eh, then the turkey nice or not? *points to tray of meat*
Junior: This is chicken -_-

So, there was no turkey.

Anyway, we all had craving for ThaiPan's butter squid, so we went for round 2 of dinner. It's a little restaurant located in Mandarin Gardens (opposite VJC) which we often patronised back then. However, when the condo residents started complaining that there were too many outsiders loitering around, outsiders were no longer allowed to enter. Which means, no more ThaiPan =( But the boss was so innovative. He actually offered to 'smuggle' students in using the delivery van. You just have to give him a call x)

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Met up with the JC class on Boxing Day. As expected, few people turned up. Initial plan was to go to Botanical Gardens but it was raining dinosaurs, so we adjourned to the park opposite the Istana instead.

Everyone brought some food and there was too much food. It was meant to be a late tea but I was so stuffed that I didn't have to eat dinner.

Anyway, before the gathering, I met up with Ziyan first to shop for Sim's 21st birthday prezzie. Town was soooo crowded I wanted to faint. We finally managed to get her something and I hope she likes it!

Ziyan gave me a bracelet for Christmas which is so pretty I have to show everyone! I don't have a habit of buying bracelets 'cos they are often too overwhelming on my skinny wrist. But the size of this bracelet is just perfect. Whee, I love it!

Before I went home, I dropped by Accessorize and got these happy stickers.

So many Matryoshka dolls!

Makes me happy just looking at them! =D

Nocturne

2009-12-29T02:35:00.004+08:00

I'm officially nocturnal.

I want to play with sparklers at the rooftop.

I suddenly feel like cooking.

I dreamt that I was going to eat Popeye chicken last night but had no money. What a sad dream =(

I'm hungry now.

Boo. This is such an incoherent entry.

Goodnitez!

Silent Night

2009-12-25T00:19:00.014+08:00

2007. I love how we look so happy here.

2008. Turnout was rather disappointing =(

Hope to see more people this year/later!

Note to self: do not forget choir gown and pearl necklace

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Christmas eve was spent with mummy dearest roaming the streets of Orchard. So lo-mantic hor. Okay I know it's a bit suicidal to go to town on this kinda occasion. But there's always a first time (and a last time), right? And I'm more broke than ever now. But hope that mummy enjoyed herself!

We headed home after a late dinner (xiao long baos rock!). And here I am, spending the 20th Christmas, alone, typing this entry.

No, I'm not emo-ing. Just feeling a little.. lonely? Guess it's the festive season. As I saw the many couples filling the streets tonight, I wonder when I will be able to spend this special day, and many many other special days, with that special someone. Will my Prince Charming ever be here?

Mummy is getting anxious. My relatives are beginning to bug me with the questions they used to bug my elder cousins with -_- I will always tell them that I'm too busy with school. Well, that is the truth, not an excuse, by the way.

But sometimes you can't help but yearn for someone who will be there to give you a warm hug when you feel sad. I guess this is one of those times.

I wonder whose problem is it. Is it mine? Or is it theirs? Okay. I think it's me. I always fall for the wrong people. I choose to like the one who can never be mine instead of the one who likes me. People laugh at me for being stupid. I think I'm stupid too cos I do so many stupid things for them.

Simsim said that I have to consult her before I do anything major in future. Yes, Sim.

To (non-existent) Prince Charming:
~~What is taking you so long?!?~~ When will you arrive? If you have lost your way, do give me a call at 84884392, I can ask Fedex to send a map over to you. Hope to see you soon. I promise I will treat you well and learn to cook your favourite dish for you even if it means burning my kitchen down.

---------

I shall end this entry here (very abruptly) lest I start sounding like a despo (okay, I actually already do sound like one).

Alrighty. Have a Happy Xmas! *throws candy canes and confetti at imaginary readers*

The First Noel

2009-12-20T22:43:00.014+08:00

Grand reunion on Christmas Day 2005 at Raffles Hotel. I'm already looking forward to reunion 2009 =)

Have been caroling for the past 2 days. Finally, I have done something productive for my holidays. It was a small group thingy inside a shop. My singing techniques are getting rusty. Well, not that I'm even good to start with =x And singing with blocked ears + bad cramps + fatigue = horrible x 100000. I sounded more like I was croaking than singing. I definitely wasn't expecting it to be so tiring. It was pretty fun though. Hehe.

I have always wanted to have a Christmas tree in my home. It's one of the things on my Things-I-wish-to-do(own)-before-I-die List (i.e. The Bucket List) after a grand piano. I'm 20 now and my Christmas tree is still nowhere in sight. I have a sad life.

If I have a Christmas tree, I'll make sure it does not see the light only during the Christmas season. It shall be a permanent accessory in my house, maybe my room, so that I can stare at it every night. It's such a pretty thing which so does not deserve to be chucked away in the storeroom.

---------

We had a 'picnic' at Simsim's house on Friday! It was a happy day spent with the dearest friends in my life. I'm glad to see the girls after so long. The weather was fine, the food was awesome and the company was the best. We spent the rest of the afternoon slacking around and playing Taboo. Ziyan baked a cheesecake to celebrate Marisa and my birthdays. I was so touched =) I love surprises. Needless to say, the cake was yummy. Bestest cheesecake I have ever had. And I mean it. The texture and taste were perfect. And of course, it's filled with love, warmth and sincerity. Hehe. Ziyan should really set up a bakery next time. I can be your helper!

These people are one of the main reasons why I didn't regret going to VJC. They have watched me cry so hard over the disappointments in my life. They are the ones who gave me the encouragement when I felt like the most useless thing on Earth. They tolerated my shortcomings without the slightest complaints. They are the ones who make me feel blessed. I should be thankful for that.

I really miss the JC days. I miss my class. The girls are kind and we helped each other. The guys may be playful at times but most of them are real gentlemen, which is something I hardly see nowadays. Sure, we had our fair share of disagreements but they were all resolved eventually. There were no hidden daggers or anything of that sort. We may not be the most bonded class but the people are all nice and fun and I really feel comfortable with them. I'm so glad to have known them.

I miss choir. Yes, the practices were hectic and it was too cliquish, but when our voices came together, I could feel an undeniable sense of belonging and pride to be there. I'm sure the others felt this way too. I'm glad I didn't give up. If not, it'd be the greatest regret in my life. And I secretly miss Mr Kwei as well although I get frightened by him sometimes.

The last reason why I miss JC, probably only my closer friends will know. No matter how stupid people think I was, I just want to say that I have no regrets at all.

How I wish I can turn back time. I want to be forever 16. Life was easier back then. It was much less complicated. People were genuine.

My current life is in shambles. In school, it's so competitive that I can hardly breath. I think I don't belong in this system. The system whereby people believe only A is good enough and anything else is poor. Studying didn't use to be so torturous. Really. And there are the little disappointments here and there which I don't wish to elaborate on.

Right now, I just want to concentrate on graduating so that I can give my parents a better life.

2009-12-20T13:24:00.000+08:00

With regards to my previous entry, I'm disappointed not because of your decision, but because of the type of treatment I have received. It hurts to be greeted with such insincerity when you put in so much effort for this friendship. No one is stopping you from your attaining your happiness. Really. So please get your facts right before you start accusing me of being a self-centered pig.

10 Promises to my Dog

2009-12-16T01:28:00.008+08:00

This movie is major tear-jerker. It's not a movie just for dog lovers, as there is a strong emphasis on the Family as well.

It's so true. Our lives revolve around so many people and things. But to a dog, you mean the world to him. He was taken away from his own family from young to live with us. If we don't love him and treat him well, who will?

Thank you Greeny for the VCD and for recommending this movie to me! I'm certain this will not be the last time I'm watching it.

And this has definitely made me want to treasure my family and Fluffy more.

---------

I hereby pronounce my life dead.

When my friends asked me what I have been doing for the past few weeks, I didn't know what to answer them. I don't even recall doing anything productive. Okay maybe one. I did the dishes, twice? I'm beginning to feel like a pig. My days involve sleeping and eating and occasionally going out. I feel like a useless bum in the family.

As if the above isn't bad enough. My mood is like a volcano nowadays. I think it's the effect of being cooped up at home for too long. Now I understand why Fluffy hides under the bed and makes angry noises when he doesn't get his walks the third day in a row.

And when I get to step out of the house, I also grumble. Because I'm such a pathetically poor person. Whenever I think of the mountain of debt I have to settle once I graduate, I sigh, like an old man. Sigh.....

I really don't dare to think too far ahead. I don't even dare to think about year 3, when all my friends will be going overseas for exchange, when I will be stuck all alone in this cold, hard reality. The thought of these make me shudder.

But this is the real world. No one waits for you, when there are better opportunities out there. You have to fend for yourself. I'm finally beginning to understand the true meaning of independence. Perhaps this will be a chance for me to see how independent I can get. I hope I'll be able to wow myself.

Can I survive? Will I survive?

---------

From this incident, I have discovered how much I mean to you. When you can't be straightforward with me, I'm not really your friend. Why pretend to be hesitant and act as though you spare a thought for me when you have already made up your mind, without sparing a thought for me? I don't like it. Not a single bit about it. I treated you as someone so special and important, but I don't even feel like I exist in your world.

I'm so tired of lies. It's always the same plot with the same ending. The only difference is the cast.

Forever. How many times have I foolishly believed in the meaning of this word, only to be proven wrong?

Truth is. No one stays. Those endless reassurance that nothing will change all turn out to be pranks. Because at the end of the day, when you open your eyes, those laughter and joyous moments fade with the wind. You find yourself standing here alone. Where have they gone? They have all moved on with their own lives, away from here. They have all left. Without you.

People always leave.

"Uptown" girl

2009-12-08T01:05:00.018+08:00

Wow. Considering my date with my dear girls tomorrow, it will be my third consecutive day going to town. I'm officially sick of that place.

Sunday night saw me going to town with my little sist. I can't recall the last time we both went out together. Must have been ages ago. We went to explore Somerset313 and Ion. I'm sorry but they were really boring, shopping-wise. You see the same shops practically everywhere. Zzz. But the variety of food has sure widened. It may not be a good thing for people who take ages to decide on what to eat though. Heh. Anyway, in the end, I bought earrings and a dress for her. Hope she enjoyed herself. And I hope that from now on we will stop bickering so often.

Monday was spent with the uni girls. We caught New Moon. Basically half the scenes involves half-naked men running around. No comments on that. I was kinda stunned when some girls in the cinema squealed in excitement when Jacob first pulled off his top to expose his 'hot and muscular' bod. Erm. Haha. If you ask me, I think too much muscles is just.. scary.

I was falling asleep in the theatre. Oops. Cos I woke up at an unearthly 10am, 4 hours earlier than my usual revival time. Please applaud. Went to have breakfast with the folks and little sist. I love cheese prata! Mr Fluff came along too. But he was leashed up in the car half the time. Sist and I bathed him when we reached home. It's my first time bathing a dog. And as expected, I got bathed too -_- Note to self: next time must wear raincoat.

A tragic thing happened yesterday. I broke my precious earring <\3 I'm still quite upset about it.

Anyway, I got to start memorising carols again. But first I need to puke out my CN, CM, LSM and ACC info before there's room for the chunk of lyrics. That's how puny my brain is.

Alrighty. Bed time! I can't wait to meet and catch up with the girls tomorrow! I'm sure it will be a great day =D

In Dulci Jubilo (In Sweet Joy)

2009-12-04T16:37:00.005+08:00

This is really quite magnificent.

One of my many favourite Christmas carols.
I miss singing in a choir =(

On another note, exams are finally over! But the terrible thing is, I'm getting bored too quickly. So much for the long to-do-after-exams list.

Sigh it's raining but I don't feel like going out. But I know I'll start complaining that my life is boring if I don't. Okay! I'm off for dinner with my dear greeny!

Last minute hug Buddha's leg

2009-11-21T01:02:00.009+08:00

Not the first time this kinda thing is happening -_-

Time check: 56 hours to the 1st paper =s

Sometimes I really feel like shooting myself for procrastinating so much. I think the more stuff I have on hand, the more lazy I get. Weird huh.

It's going to take more than a miracle for me to finish studying for my exams and more than 56875946 miracles for me to do decently this time. Where are you, my motivation? And where are you my non-existent smarty brain cells? =(

Anyway, mao mao (translates: Fluffy) is limping again. This time the limp is quite bad. Poor mao mao. Praying hard that nothing's wrong with his hand (leg).

---------

My cousin's given birth. I want to see the babyyyyy. According to my mum, the boy looks as cute as a hamburger. Uhh. If someone describes me like that I'm not sure if I'll be happy. But I think she meant to say it has chubby cheeks like a hammie. Sounds cute enough. HEHE.

It's amazing how my relatives can predict how smart the baby is going to be in future based on his looks. Mum said that he has straight eyebrows and thick ears, which means that he's gonna be a clever boy next time. Really meh? I had straight eyebrows but how come I still can't do my thermoDIE and fluid MAD questions? =(

SEE.

My friend asked me why I looked so sad. Actually, I think that's just my default look.

Okay, back to baby. He is temporarily named Dou Dou until his parents think of a name for him. So cute! Sounds like a potential name for my child next time hehehe. Anyway, my mum casually mentioned to the father that the baby's hairline is in the shape of a 'M'. He explained that that's because my cousin had MacDonald's every night when she was carrying Dou Dou -_-

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So many things to do after exams. This holiday, I'm going to COOK. Wahahaha. But first, maybe I should buy insurance to cover the kitchen. Hmm. Need to get back my exercising momentum too. I feel like an old woman now. Not to forget caroling! Can't wait! But for now, it's back to books =(

I-scream

2009-10-31T00:18:00.006+08:00

I had ice-cream yesterday and today! Fattening but it's an anti-depressant.

= <3

Cuzzie got married last weekend. She was a pretty bride. Took pictures but mostly of non-living things (photos next time!) =x I think I'm the only one who can appreciate my own photography skills.

Oh and I took like 20 minutes to stuff my contacts into my tiny eyes?? -_-zzz I swear it was really frustrating, especially when I was running late. Why can't my eyes grow bigger like my tummy huh.

Exams in less than a month but here I am, still drowning in this mess. I really have a bad feeling about this semester. And the upcoming semesters. I hope I survive.. =s

Somehow, I can't find the motivation. I think my heart is tired. Tired of suffering one setback after another.

My mum was telling my relatives the other day that during my exam period, everyone in the family has to be armed with shields and be clad in armours. I really don't mean to be so evil but when I'm really stressed I can't help it. So, let me apologise in advance if I ever offend anyone in the coming weeks. Also, please be reminded to tread with care and be wary of landmines -_-

Okay. I think I need to go and sleep now. Need to wake up early tomorrow cos my cousin's coming over to consult me with her Physics questions. Um. Hopefully I will be of some help ah =x

Nitez!

Why.

2009-10-10T00:44:00.002+08:00

I thought I had it. I thought that this time it wouldn't go away. But the next second, it was gone. All gone.

Why is it that whenever I feel a little hopeful, everything just has to turn out so bad? Why. Am I not entitled to even a tiny glimpse of hope? Don't I deserve anything at all?

Every time I fall, I cry, stand up, brush those tears away and tell myself, "It doesn't matter". But does it really not matter at all? Is this really what I feel, or is it just how I want myself to feel? I'm losing faith. I'm losing hope. Cos I just keep on falling. Each failure is eating my confidence away secretly, taunting me to give up. Each time I fall, I just get weaker.

Why isn't anything going my way? I'm tired. I don't know how long more I can take this. I don't know how many more "It doesn't matter"s I can tell myself before I can't hear myself anymore.

It hurts. And crying doesn't take the pain away anymore.

What can I do, in exchange for a just a tiny glimpse of hope that comes true? What should I do?

Sparrow is sad.

2009-10-08T00:25:00.002+08:00

Yet another bad fall.

But. I'm not going to let it defeat me.

After today, I will forget about this sadness and move on with life.

Stand strong. Stay strong.

Sorry

2009-10-06T23:52:00.001+08:00

for being such a lousy sister and daughter.

Lazy Saturday

2009-10-04T01:21:00.010+08:00

Pretty!

It's been donkey years since we last celebrated Mid Autumn Festival. Old already..

Yesterday was coma day. I think I've slept enough to compensate for the lost sleep this week =x So, obviously my attempt at studying has failed terribly =s Today will be a better day!

The state of my study table. Looks like it has just been invaded by some monster.

Just in case anyone missed Mr Fluff..

Classic greedy look

Can you touch your nose with your tongue too?

Last Sunday morning, my parents brought us out for breakfast at East Coast Road. Miss that place. The streets are filled with good food. The prawn mee rocks! Hehehe. And I love these:

My comfort food.

Please go try it! But be sure to go early enough 'cos their pastries sell out fast.

Okay, end of random entry.

She says Adios, says Adios, Goodbye

2009-10-03T00:31:00.000+08:00

One By One

Here am I
yet another goodbye!
He says Adios, says Adios,
and do you know why
she won't break down and cry?
- she says Adios, says Adios, Goodbye.
One by one my leaves fall.
One by one my tales are told.

It's no lie
she is yearning to fly.
She says Adios, says Adios,
and now you know why
he's a reason to sigh
- she says Adios, says Adios, Goodbye.
- she says Adios, says Adios, Goodbye.
One by one my leaves fall.
One by one my tales are told.

My, oh my!
she was aiming too high.
He says Adios, says Adios,
and now you know why
there's no moon in her sky
- he says Adios, says Adios, Goodbye.

No Goodbyes
for love brightens their eyes.
Don't say Adios, say Adios,
and do you know why
there's a love that won't die?
- don't say Adios, say Adios, Goodbye.

- don't say Adios, say Adios, Goodbye.
- don't say Adios, say Adios, Goodbye